Your Dog Doesn't Need a Halloween Instagram Acct (And Other Hard Truths)

“Your dog has about as much interest in Halloween parties as we had in wearing matching mother-daughter outfits. Trust me, they'll survive without the costume contest.” - Jt Clough

Let's talk Halloween and dogs!

Remember how our moms used to dress us in those scratchy polyester costumes from Woolworth's with the plastic masks that made it impossible to breathe?

Well, that's pretty much how your Border Collie feels about that hot dog costume you've been eyeing on Amazon.

Here's the thing: while we were the generation that survived lawn darts and riding in the back of pickup trucks, today's "dog mom culture" would have us believe we're committing some kind of canine crime if our Australian Cattle Dog isn't dressed as Wonder Woman at the neighborhood Halloween parade.

News flash!

Your high-drive dog has about as much interest in attending a Halloween party as we had in wearing those matching mother-daughter outfits back in the '70s. You know, the ones with the coordinating gingham that made us look like walking picnic tablecloths? Yeah, that level of enthusiasm.

Let's be real here - your Belgian Malinois doesn't scroll through social media comparing their Halloween costume to other dogs'.

They're not sitting in their crate thinking, "Gee, I wish I could go to that Halloween party where strange people in weird outfits keep reaching for my head."

Just like we didn't die of embarrassment when our parents didn't buy us Jordache jeans, your dog won't suffer emotional damage if they skip the neighborhood "Howl-oween" festivities.

That said, since your dog lives with you (and let's face it, probably runs your household with the efficiency of a drill sergeant), you might need some practical strategies for handling the holiday chaos.

Some dogs can deal with the endless doorbell ringing and parade of mini zombies at the door. Others would rather hide in the bathroom - and honestly, on some days, who can blame them?

Let's break down how to handle this spooky season with the same common sense we used to navigate the '80s without a cell phone...

Here's a guide to keeping your dog safe and comfortable during the Halloween festivities.🎃 🦴

Understanding Your Dog's Perspective

• Strange figures appearing at the door

• Constant doorbell ringing and knocking

• Unfamiliar scents from costumes and candy

• Changes in their normal environment

• People acting and looking different than usual

Let's break down Halloween from your dog's perspective

Think about it:

• Your normally peaceful front door suddenly turns into Grand Central Station, with mini monsters randomly appearing. That's about as fun for your dog as unexpected visits from your mother-in-law.

• That doorbell? Let's be real - it hasn't rung since 2019 except for Amazon packages, and even they just ninja-drop and run. Your dog's already suspicious when anyone comes to the door (because hello, who actually visits anymore?), and suddenly there's a parade of costume-wearing strangers expecting you to open up? No wonder your dog thinks the world's gone mad. Even DoorDash knows to just leave the food and text!

• Their usually predictable home (where they know exactly which couch cushion is the comfiest) suddenly looks like the morning after a rough night at Studio 54 - decorations everywhere, furniture moved, and chaos reigning supreme.

Bottom line: Just like we can't figure out why everyone needs to post their entire life on Instagram when we managed to survive our most awkward years without photographic evidence, our dogs don't get why Halloween night has to be so... extra. And that's perfectly okay!

Creating a Safe Haven

1. Set up a quiet room away from the front door

2. Include their favorite bed or blanket

3. Add some white noise or calming music

4. Provide engaging toys or a long-lasting chew

Costume Considerations

• Never force your dog to wear a costume if they show signs of distress

• If your dog enjoys dressing up, ensure the costume:

  • Doesn't restrict movement

  • Allows normal breathing

  • Has no small parts that could be chewed off

  • Doesn't cover their eyes or ears

  • Can be easily removed if needed

  • Don’t leave the costume on for an extended period of time.

Candy Safety Protocol

Keep These Treats Far Away:

• All chocolate products

• Sugar-free candies (may contain toxic xylitol)

• Gum (not usually a Halloween treat but is highly toxic with xylitol)

• Candies with wrappers

• Lollipops and hard candies

• Raisin-containing treats

Smart Storage Tips:

• Store all candy in high cabinets

• Use sealed containers

• Keep treats away from pet food areas

• Remind children to keep their candy bags out of reach

• Check floors regularly for dropped candy

The "Space, Please" Protocol

• Watch for signs of stress in your dog (backing away, hiding, excessive panting)

• Don't hesitate to decline interactions with costumed visitors

• Use phrases like "He needs his space right now" “She’s hit her people limit” “My dog’s an introvert!” to politely keep distance

• Trust your dog's judgment - if they're uncomfortable, respect that

Positive Alternatives

Instead of traditional Halloween activities, consider:

• A Halloween photo session during daylight hours

• A small gathering with dog-savvy friends

• Special Halloween-themed dog treats

• A fun autumn walk earlier in the day

• Interactive puzzle toys filled with dog-safe treats

Remember: Your dog's safety and comfort should always come first. There's no shame in opting out of Halloween activities if that's what's best for your furry friend. After all, a happy dog makes for a happy Halloween!

Dog Prepper Guide

Speaking of keeping our dogs safe...

If a Halloween treat stash needs this much planning, imagine what your dog needs in a real emergency? (And no, your Belgian Mal can't live on freeze-dried pumpkin spice lattes.)

🚨 Get my "No-Nonsense Dog Prepper Guide"

Created by a Gen-Xer who survived Y2K and knows your high-drive dog needs more than just kibble in their emergency kit.

Text DOGPREP to 855-707-1983 for your free checklist

Because if we managed to survive without Google Maps, we can definitely handle prepping for our four-legged friends.